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 The Adventures of Wheatley and Zerdark: Koopa Island Edition

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Zerdark
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PostSubject: The Adventures of Wheatley and Zerdark: Koopa Island Edition   Mon Aug 01, 2016 9:04 pm

A small ship begins to approach an unfamiliar harbor. The man at the helm yells to wake his sleeping passengers. "Oi! Wake your asses up! We've got land! Land ho! Lan-" "Aaaaaguh!" A thud is heard as Wheatley collides with the man's head. "Oww..." "Ey!" An un-amused Zerdark stands in front of the door to the captain's room. "Would you stop your screaming you drunk cyclops? I'm trying to catch up on sleep..." "What're ye talkin' about? It's got to be way past mornin' now!" "Well someone kept me up all night with their sea shanties and partying." "Aah, don't pretend like you don't love em!" "Tavish. You wouldn't stop for hours. I only got to sleep sometime after 4 in the morning. You know how I know this? I threw my watch at the wall in frustration and it must have broke. For all I know it could have been even later." "Eheheh...sorry laddie." "You're paying for that watch by the way. Now if you pull this crap again, I'm drowning you in the saltwater and sailing myself home." "Ooh, that's just the crankiness talking! Come on, have a drink with me! That'll cheer ya right up!" "No. No it won't. What'll cheer me up is finding that island I described to you. I specifically asked for your help because of your past experiences sailing. I swear if I made the wrong decision-" "What'd ye think I got ya up for? We're coming up on it right now!"

The ship begins to dock at the harbor, where a bunch of Koopas begin to gather. Zerdark just looks at them and sighs internally. "...You've gotta be fucking kidding me." "What?" "This is what I was worried about? They're adorable. I was expecting battle hardened warriors, not a trip to the aquarium." "Oh, look at all the turtles! I've never seen em that big before!" "Tavish, you stay with the ship. I'm gonna go look around." "Ooh, you mean it? Maybe we can take one home with us!" "I somehow doubt that'll go over well. Besides, do you remember your pet goldfish?" "I was only trying to hand-feed it, I didn't think I'd electrocute the thing!" "You don't even have hands!" "Well...alright, I see, point to you. That might have been a flaw in my otherwise flawless plan. Just a small one though." "I'm not getting you another pet." "Aww...okay then." "Now then, let's get moving. With any luck, maybe these people have built an inn nearby." "You just want to sleep? But we just got here!" "I see an opportunity to nap, I'm taking it. Why do you think I told Tavish to stay behind?" "Ah...fair point."

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PostSubject: Re: The Adventures of Wheatley and Zerdark: Koopa Island Edition   Tue Aug 02, 2016 4:53 pm

The afternoon sees Zerdark and Wheatley exploring Delfino Plaza. They notice the occasional Hammer Bro patrolling for public safety, but otherwise things seem very relaxed. Shops are dotted all over, the owners of which constantly crying out for the attention of potential customers. Wheatley almost takes the bait more than a few times with Zerdark having to pull him back. "This place is...remarkably different from home. And I'm not just talking about the inhabitants." "Oh, I know! Just look over there! What is that?" They turn their attention to Waluigi's Boutique. Or more accurately, the golden statue of Waluigi in front of it. "That...is a good question. What the hell am I looking at?" "If I had to guess, it's a gold statue sir." "Well yes, but...what is that? Is that supposed to be a nose? Or perhaps a tumor?" "Wait, that's a statue of a person?" "I think so...there's two arms, two legs, and what vaguely resembles a face." "Ohhhh, oh I see it now." "Alright, this has me curious. Let's go inside and ask what the hell this is actually supposed to be." "Right behind you!"

They head inside and are greeted by a gaudy atmosphere. Purple everywhere. Purple suits, purple dresses, purple employees. And the purple owner walks right up to them. "Welcome, welcome to Waluigi's Bridal Boutique! How can Waluigi take your money today?" "Waluigi? Is that what you're supposed to be?" "What's a Waluigi?" "Huh? You two together? Well Waluigi's not one to judge. Come! Waluigi gonna make you two look fabulous for the wedding!" "Wait, what?" "Excuse me?!" Waluigi grabs Zerdark by the hand and drags him to a back room. Within a few minutes, Waluigi has certainly made the duo look fabulous. Wheatley's floating next to Zerdark with a pretty purple bow on his head. Meanwhile, Waluigi's managed to force a purple wedding dress on Zerdark, who does not look the least bit amused by the situation. As evidenced by the way his mouth is twitching, his hands twitching, and his right foot impatiently tapping the floor. He looks about ready to hurt somebody...but at least he looks pretty? "There you go! I think the dress suits you! How will you be paying Waluigi?" "...How will I be paying you?"

Within a few minutes, Zerdark is standing over a dazed Waluigi who's been bent in such a way that's enabled Zerdark to force him into a nearby trash can. "Wawawawawa...Waluigi's gonna assume the pretty lady didn't like the dress..." "I'm a man, thank you." "What?! Ohhh, Waluigi's made some poor decisions..." "Yeah...yeah he has." "What about your pretty wife to be?" "Uh, hate to break it to you mate, but we're both guys. Big, macho men. Like, grrrrrr, and all that. Boys." "So are you two still...?" "NO!" "Oh..." "You know, I do like this bow though...can I keep it, sir?" Zerdark sighs and drops the appropriate amount of gold in front of the Waluigi-filled garbage can. "Come on Wheatley, we're leaving. Now."Waluigi thanks you for your patronage..."

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PostSubject: Re: The Adventures of Wheatley and Zerdark: Koopa Island Edition   Wed Aug 03, 2016 12:28 am

Two days later, Wheatley and Zerdark are wandering the streets of the Capital. They've found themselves in Lady Bow's district. "What a strange residential district..." "I know...it seems like an evil spirit could pop up at any time..." "Wheatley, how many times do I have to mention this? You are a spirit. Besides, I think I actually kind of like it here. It's quiet yet in a prime location. Besides, there's something about these houses that I find...calming. I could see myself retiring down here if I could somehow get Robin on board with the idea." "Uh...you sure about that? Because, don't wanna alarm you, but, well, what about that creepy building over there?" They both look in the direction of the Creepy Steeple. "...Okay, maybe not. That just looks like a great place to get stabbed or mugged. ...Let's investigate!" "Wait, what?! But you just said- I don't wanna get stabbed! Have you gone bloody mental?!" "Oh come on, it's not like I'm going to let anything happen to us. Besides, I want to see what the meaning of this sign is." "Huh? What sign?" Zerdark points to a crudely painted sign near the front of the Creepy Steeple. It has a somewhat bad drawing of what looks like a Halloween bedsheet. The words "Doopliss' Cursed Item Emporium" are painted under it in white and blue letters. "C-Cursed?!" "Well that's one way to advertise. Can't say I'm not intrigued. Come on, let's head in." "R-Right behind you, sir." They both head in and look around.

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PostSubject: Re: The Adventures of Wheatley and Zerdark: Koopa Island Edition   Wed Aug 03, 2016 1:51 pm

"Oh, what's this? Customers?" comes a voice from the empty air. Then, echoing faintly from down below them comes the sound of a wake-up slap and the same voice yelling, "DOOPLISS! Wake UP already! You've got customers, isn't it exciting?"

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PostSubject: Re: The Adventures of Wheatley and Zerdark: Koopa Island Edition   Wed Aug 03, 2016 2:05 pm

"What the- customers? Really?! I hope they have money...lots of money!""Um, what are those voices?" "I think they're coming from downstairs." "Um, let me just flag something up, according to most mystery novels we've read together, or more accurately, you've read to me, murder most often happens, in the basements of creepy buildings." "Well I guess I'm in my element then. Come along." Zerdark heads downstairs, with Wheatley hesitantly following.

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PostSubject: Re: The Adventures of Wheatley and Zerdark: Koopa Island Edition   Wed Aug 03, 2016 2:09 pm

"Feel free to buy whatever you can afford," says a round ghost with ribbons.

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PostSubject: Re: The Adventures of Wheatley and Zerdark: Koopa Island Edition   Wed Aug 03, 2016 2:14 pm

"Heya slick, you got money?" "Well...this is new." Wheatley moves from behind Zerdark and looks at the ghost. "Well...you seem alright, and not at all murdery." "I don't think they'd get much business murdering their customers." "Hey, he's right! This is a legitimate business here!" Doopliss says as he gestures to the lazily laid out merchandise of questionable quality.

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PostSubject: Re: The Adventures of Wheatley and Zerdark: Koopa Island Edition   Thu Aug 04, 2016 12:02 am

"Yes, I am the governor of this district of the city. My office is upstairs. The cursed item shop helps fund renovations and public works projects."

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PostSubject: Re: The Adventures of Wheatley and Zerdark: Koopa Island Edition   Thu Aug 04, 2016 12:08 am

"The Governor? I didn't think I'd just happen to meet such an important figure down here. A pleasure to make your acquaintance." "Uhm, what he said, your um...lady...ship? That the right term? Gonna be honest, not entirely sure. Not up to date on my honorifics, if I'm honest."

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PostSubject: Re: The Adventures of Wheatley and Zerdark: Koopa Island Edition   Thu Aug 04, 2016 12:10 am

"A pleasure to make yours. And 'madam' is fine."

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PostSubject: Re: The Adventures of Wheatley and Zerdark: Koopa Island Edition   Thu Aug 04, 2016 12:14 am

"Alright, we'll go with that then. So um, quick question, if I can, erm...are you a ghost? Because, well, not to sound rude, but you don't really look...you know, alive?" "I apologize for my friend here, we're new in town."

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PostSubject: Re: The Adventures of Wheatley and Zerdark: Koopa Island Edition   Thu Aug 04, 2016 11:10 pm

"Ahahaha! You are correct, I am..." she spins and vanishes, then appears behind Wheatley with a giant bared-fangs expression, "...a ghost."

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PostSubject: Re: The Adventures of Wheatley and Zerdark: Koopa Island Edition   Thu Aug 04, 2016 11:17 pm

Wheatley flinches then hides behind Zerdark, who pinches his own forehead in annoyance as he once again reminds Wheatley that he is also a spirit. "Oh...right. I keep forgetting that." "What kind of ghost is afraid of ghosts? What kind of ghost are ya anyway for that matter?" "Uhm...still trying to figure that one out, if I'm honest, but I can tell you my name! It's Wheatley, by the way."

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PostSubject: Re: The Adventures of Wheatley and Zerdark: Koopa Island Edition   Thu Aug 04, 2016 11:59 pm

"Nice to meet you, Wheatley."

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PostSubject: Re: The Adventures of Wheatley and Zerdark: Koopa Island Edition   Fri Aug 05, 2016 12:01 am

"Nice to meet you, too, umm...didn't quite catch your name?" Zerdark meanwhile is eyeing a cursed set of steak knives.

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PostSubject: Re: The Adventures of Wheatley and Zerdark: Koopa Island Edition   Fri Aug 05, 2016 12:48 am

"Lady Bow."

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PostSubject: Re: The Adventures of Wheatley and Zerdark: Koopa Island Edition   Fri Aug 05, 2016 12:53 am

"Ah, I see where you get your name! It's a very pretty bow, by the way. Actually, I have one like that, only purple. Hey, sir! Can you hand me my bow? Pretty please?" Zerdark finally takes his eyes off the cursed knives and reaches into his robes to get the bow, which he puts on Wheatley for him. "See? Isn't it pretty? I think it's pretty." Zerdark meanwhile begins talking to Doopliss about the knives.

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PostSubject: Re: The Adventures of Wheatley and Zerdark: Koopa Island Edition   Fri Aug 05, 2016 1:32 am

"Very nice!" she cheers with a diplomatic smile.

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PostSubject: Re: The Adventures of Wheatley and Zerdark: Koopa Island Edition   Fri Aug 05, 2016 1:43 am

"It better be nice, it cost me several hundred gold.""Oh, it was well worth it! It's my new favorite accessory! You know, just before we got this, I thought to myself, 'yeah I'm cute, but what's missin...what's missin...', and I thought to myself, I need an accessory. Then bam! We find an accessory store, run by some weird purple guy with a huge tumor on his face. Should probably get that checked out, don't think that's normal. I've seen quite a few humans in my day, they do NOT look like that." "That tumor can't claim his life fast enough..." "You still sore about the dress?" Zerdark immediately gets red-faced. "I thought I made it perfectly clear to never speak of that again!"

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PostSubject: Re: The Adventures of Wheatley and Zerdark: Koopa Island Edition   Sat Aug 06, 2016 1:47 am

"Sounds like you did business with Waluigi! He's one of our best customers... Either he doesn't realize that these items are cursed, or he doesn't care! In exchange, I drink nothing but WaBucks when I need coffee."

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PostSubject: Re: The Adventures of Wheatley and Zerdark: Koopa Island Edition   Sat Aug 06, 2016 1:55 am

"Yes, I do think that was his name. The name 'Wabucks' however is...odd, and his personality is unfortunate." "He has pretty bows though! So that's good, for his customers, and him, obviously." "I question how a man like that managed to get what I'm assuming is a successful coffee chain and a line of clothing. Deal with the Devil perhaps? Admittedly I can think of worse things to sell your soul for." "I'd sell my soul for a soda right now..." "Yes, like that actually." "Hey!"

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PostSubject: Re: The Adventures of Wheatley and Zerdark: Koopa Island Edition   Sat Aug 06, 2016 2:06 am

Bow perks up, ready to offer aid. "If you're interested in selling, the Bowser Stock Market accepts souls as currency in trading. All soul transfers are done through the Forever Forest Index. You could strike it rich too!"

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PostSubject: Re: The Adventures of Wheatley and Zerdark: Koopa Island Edition   Sat Aug 06, 2016 2:08 am

"Bowser...Stock Market? Is Bowser basically the Devil here? I saw a mask in his likeness the other day in one of the shops, so I could believe it..."

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PostSubject: Re: The Adventures of Wheatley and Zerdark: Koopa Island Edition   Sat Aug 06, 2016 2:10 am

"Ahaha...ha... no. He's our wonderful King! He's made life a thousand times better for us all."

A soda can, full of flat and stale soda, seemingly chucks itself at Doopliss.

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PostSubject: Re: The Adventures of Wheatley and Zerdark: Koopa Island Edition   Sat Aug 06, 2016 2:13 am

"Truly? Huh. I've never seen a King with merchandise before. That's not a bad idea actually...I wonder if I could convince...nah. So anyway, what's this King Bowser character done to help the ghost community?" "What the?! Where'd this come from? Well I ain't complaining. Bottoms up!"

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